your parents love me but you hate me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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