the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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