Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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