all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
