I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
