Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
