you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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