hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
