if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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