You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
