u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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