So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
