Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
