you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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