It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize