I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize