I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
