Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
