if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
