Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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