I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
either way he was missing a nipple.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
