he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize