I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
