Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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