I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
