The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
