Barsexuality is the new black.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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