OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
