It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
