We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
