I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
