Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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