I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
