mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
