I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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