it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
