just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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