Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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