Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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