They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
