He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
