he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
