Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
