It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
