you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Randomize
