I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
