I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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