Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
