I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
