I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
