omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
