you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
