She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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