I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Randomize
