Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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