dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You can't special order awesome
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
