I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
