You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize