I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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