You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
