Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
