Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
