Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
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